He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
