thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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