I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
