if only i could text you this smell
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
