Can i not drive my cunt home
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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