We're like a lot better than the average bears
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
