i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I got inside last night via doggy door
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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