Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
