No stitches, just platelets and will power
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Brb crying the tears of my youth
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
