OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
