Swine flu. Run for my life!
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize