I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
50% drunk capacity currently
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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