I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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