good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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