I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he was CRYING into my vagina
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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