The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
