I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
