based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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