So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
