If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
