if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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