Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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