Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
