I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Randomize
