My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
