At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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