I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
