weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
