I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
