the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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