in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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