operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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