he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
