I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
