i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
