my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
