i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
