This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
