The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
