i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
