and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
