If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
ok first of all what the fuck
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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