She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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