the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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