Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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