It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
