you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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