I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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