I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
