I cannot find my penis.
This girl is more easily done than said...
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
