Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
