Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
