I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
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I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
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I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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