he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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