I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
