Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
