I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize