I wannas sexs uuuuu
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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