I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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