I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
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There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
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Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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