He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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