Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Boobs speak an international language.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
