just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize