Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
