Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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