Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
love makes seman taste better
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
