My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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