Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
