I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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