I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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