I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
