What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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