Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
the day after is always just damage control
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
